Guaranteed to NOT Show Up

I’ve been talking about doing this blog for a long time. I love music and I love live music, but I hate going out.

For instance, I was going to the In The Pines record release party tonight at The Record Bar. But I didn’t. Tonight, I hated going out too much to go see them, and I knew this by about noon. I mean, they are friends of mine (I’d field a baseball team with Myers and Welch, and I’d definitely play bridge with Darren’s wife, Kathi), and this is a big night for them. The record is also coming out on one of the few ethical labels in the country (one with impeccable tastes, too), and a label with whom I have a professional relationship (Second Nature Recordings). Worst of all, I haven’t seen Dan, the SN owner, in what feels like years. And I generally accidentally scare anyone he brings with him to shows. So why am I not there?

Because I am putting down flooring. Cork flooring. It is pretty cool. We got it for near nothing through Lumber Liquidators. $.99 per square foot.

And, what’s worse, I didn’t go because I’m just not that psyched about the record yet. I’ve had a mix that isn’t coming out on the actual CD forever, and now I can’t get into it because I know it isn’t the final version. Well, something like that.

You know, another reason to fuck them off is that I think they have no real web page. I couldn’t find one. I mean, they have a MySpace band page and that is it? Fuck them for that. For that reason alone, I’m not linking their name to anything. I’m surprised that they’ve gotten farther than an open-mic-night at some cover-band-bar. Jesus Christ. Will they be touring on bikes, too? What is it with bands? Seriously. MySpace?

I am, however, making a media player for their album for the Interweb, and I am sure that I will be psyched about the CD at that point (once I get working on it). I’m making it as a collaboration with Kentucky Chrome Industries, (that was just an excuse to link them). But I really know that when I do make it, I’ll hear the first song 32428,324923,3 times because it will start every time I compile / beta the player, and then I will hate them again.

And if I’m making a media player for them (for free), why the fuck don’t I have a copy of the record? Christ. Are they managed by someone in jail or something? They can’t even get the guys in the band named correctly in The Kansas City Star. (You have to register, which is completely comical … like you are going to register for an article about some random band with a MySpace page. Way to stand out, In The Pines. I’m proud to call you “MySpace Friends”). So that you don’t have to register, my point is that The Kansas City Star calls John Ferguson “Jimmy Johnson” or some shit. They don’t even get his fucking name right.

Anyway, I’ve seen them twice. One time was ruined by a drunk girl who tagged along with us and loudly made fun of Kathi for liking her own husband too much. To her face. The band sounded horrible, too. The sound wasn’t good at The Jackpot for that particular show, blah, blah, blah. I was a mean motherfucker in my time, but I couldn’t get up the nerve to throw her out of the bar so I could watch Kathi swoon as her husband had his most touching moments (when he sings). But the other time I saw them it was a near religious experience, and exactly what I needed at exactly that moment. So I think they have greatness in them. I hope it comes out tomorrow night when I actually consider going again.

In reality, I’m kind of jealous that I’m not in In the Pines. It would be fun to harmonize like that, and they play slowly enough that it would be a challenge to play along without killing myself or falling asleep. But they are so damned engaging in their moments of brilliance. And I would make them so much better and darker. And I would see them more often, because I would have to. So I guess you should join them and then you’d definitely go see them or buy their record or steal it or download it or something. It is probably worth it.

Until then, I’m going to piss them off by uploading an early mix of “Prison Ghost.” I think there is a pox on people with these mixes, but I like the way the chicks sound so out-of-tune or drunk or whatever when they sing. And I love it when recordings sound like they weren’t made for release (demos and such). And this has a little of both. Not that I like the way it sounds. I just like THAT sound. I can’t wait to get one so that I can spend hours on them for free. And so their MySpace friends can listen to the media player.

So TOMORROW, Saturday, 04, NOV 2006, I will be at The Jackpot to see the Lawrence version of the record release party. And that is a 98% chance. Well, 97%. I’ll definitely head down early to get smooches and free shit. Because if I actually SEE the show, it means that the premise of the blog is bullshit.

• EDIT: OKAY. In The Pines has a webpage. I was wrong. And they don’t have bikes. I learned my fact-checking from The Kansas City Star, obviously. And The Blue Leaves have Craig Comstock, which is why I have a little warm feeling about them. But THEY only have a MySpace page.
  Current chance that I am going tonight? About 92%.

  Edit: 12:35, 04 NOV 2006

• EDIT: Well, shit. Current chance that I am going tonight? About 18%. Little has been done on the flooring, and my woman just left with the baby to go to dinner with a friend and look for “stemware” (I had to ask WTF that meant; I didn’t know. I guess I missed “the importance of the proper stemware” class). So getting down there for smooches is probably kinda likely, but actually going is losing steam.

  Edit: 18:38, 04 NOV 2006

In The Pines - “Prison Ghost” rejected version
In The Pines - “Dress On Fire” version you are supposed to hear
In The Pines - “Never Say Too Much” version you are supposed to hear